Don’t click this if you want your life to remain the same

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Consider yourself in the majority and also a person who is easily influenced by random, outside stimuli, if you’re reading this now.

You’re sometimes impulsive, can’t seem to sit still and love to refute anything that anybody may tell you regarding sports, politics or current events outside of these two subjects.

You also take great pride at bucking the system and finding ways to lift up not only yourself but all those around you.

In effect, you’re neither a bad person or a good one—you’re somewhere in between.

The five reasons you should not have clicked here (or read this far?) are:

  1. Nothing good will come to you for having read this. This is probably the most important of the five reasons why you shouldn’t have clicked on the story. A lot of people get those religiously-toned headlines that promise you great things in your life in 24 hours or less. They’re sort of like modern-day chain letters, in that there are typically warnings of bad things to come if you don’t follow the instructions carefully and share the post with all of your friends and acquaintances. While nothing usually happens good or bad that can be attributed to these kinds of things, in the case of this post, I can assure you in earnest nothing good will come to you for having read this. Nor will anything bad happen for not having shared it with all of your Facebook friends.
  2. You were bored with your life when you woke up today and this article is merely a reaffirmation of the miserable state of your existence. I sincerely wish I could say that things will be better for you or something good you’ve been waiting for a long time to happen will suddenly materialize, but I’m not a cruel person. Hence, I won’t tell you anything of the kind.
  3. You won’t be entirely disappointed for having clicked here. This is better than being fully disappointed for sure. It’s like a date that neither thrills or depresses you to pieces. I would suggest that being somewhat disappointed is a way of life for most of us. By reading this piece you should feel no different in this respect.
  4. This is not completely worthless click bait. There is a lesson to be learned here. May I suggest being a little more discerning about what you click on moving forward to serve your interests better. We can always improve upon our selections of what we think are the stories we absolutely can’t live without. If nothing else, you may want to consider those stories with headlines that are less attention-grabbing. To make another dating analogy, it’s sort of like going out with someone who’s only somewhat attractive. The gist of this #4 reason is that sometimes diamonds are actually found in the rough.
  5. There are ads here that beg you to click on them, too. Everything is starving for our attention. The Internet has evolved into nothing more than a popularity contest. If, like me, you’ve never been particularly popular nor actually cared all that much about it, then you are probably at the point in this article where your eyes are wandering the page. You’ve become antsy. You’ve read this far hoping something amazing or enlightening would be delivered. But, now you’re feeling empty, so empty. Empty enough to click on an ad or better yet open another tab and click away from all of this madness.

May I suggest Googling, “The heartbreak of listicles?”

Try it. Maybe you’ll like it. If you do, perhaps you’ll realize you’ve realized some value for having stopped by.


Categories: Opinion

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