Friday Sweets: Limiting Intermittent Explosive Disorder

Breakfast Bun and Coffee

Breakfast Bun and Coffee (Photo credit: epSos.de)

I think people not eating enough and not getting enough sleep as two of the biggest issues today contributing to our general crankiness.

With the summer officially here, I have not yet taken a trip in the car to see if road rage has spiked; I’m sure it has.

The heat is on all over the country. Peoples’ middle fingers are primed and ready for action at the slightest provocation.

I can’t quote any statistics of course, but I think there is more bird-flipping going on during morning rush hours compared to evening ones. My theory on this is that in the morning people are typically tired from not getting enough sleep (unless they sleep at work or school). You can argue that at the end of the day, people are still tired from not getting enough sleep. But the big difference is that people often shoot out the door (no pun intended) in the morning with just some coffee and maybe a bite of a roll; we don’t eat enough to start the day.

We say we don’t have time for a lumberjack breakfast featuring eggs, fruit, juice and flapjacks. I understand. But we should have at least something size-wise in between barely caffeine and the more substantial lumberjack breakfast. We would totally feel less inclined to work our middle finger digits if we did.

The lack of food piece of the which rush hour features more road rage debate is more adequately addressed by day people when they arrive to their morning destination—be it job or school. They also have lunch to further fortify themselves. So, when they drive home, their middle fingers are in a state of peaceful, hunger satiated bliss.

Pauses to get a biscuit, as he’s feeling bitchy…

Yes, I had only a banana and coffee up until this point, but now I am feeling better again (good thing I didn’t start driving yet).

People that are day workers and schoolers waste more time at the start of their days than their night version counterparts. This is because much like flesh-eating zombies, night shifters are expected to hit the ground running—whether it’s at school or on the job.

Day walkers gather around the water cooler or coffee pot (if there’s no water cooler). They talk about their weekend if it’s Monday. Mondays are the worst for productivity, unless getting dialed in beyond three minutes on your co-workers’ weekends is good for the company bottom line; maybe it is. I’m not going to assume this isn’t beneficial in some office environments. I just can’t think of any businesses this time drain might help right now, though.

Galileo's middle finger

Galileo’s middle finger (Photo credit: elkit)

Then there is the breakfast ordering. Work can wait when Chef Rita is back from vacation at Ooh Ma Stomach and whipping up decadent crepes for the masses once more. Besides, day shifters can get a little work done while munching their breakfast together, anyway. Brainstorming is one of the great things that is done over morning breakfast at the office. If the brainstorming doesn’t produce any ideas of merit, the morale, camaraderie and jocularity associated with it most certainly are beneficial.

Night walkers eat also, but they typically only take one meal break—not two like many day walkers. Day walkers sometimes go out to lunch or again pass around a menu from Traipse On Me sandwich shop up the block.

Working nights is more harmful to your health overall. One thing that I fail to see mentioned anywhere when considering the hazards of working nights is the fact commuting for third shift night walkers is especially dangerous when they are thrust upon the roads with the underfed, bitchy and middle finger driven day walkers who are weaving in and out and cutting them off on their way home.

So now that I’ve given you an overview of the dynamics of how food and lack of sleep come into play (in terms of road rage incidence), we elucidate how warm temperatures, when it comes to our intermittent explosive disorder, I mean road rage, come into play.

Again, not having (or even seeking?) access to studies or possible pertinent data, I will go out on a limb yet again as I often do and say when it’s really, really cold out, our middle fingers are stiff, the synovial fluid (thank you Dr. Linda Peeno!) is not as accommodating and we are physically less inclined to work them. This is an analysis by Doctor Bob and no one else, as I am not a real doctor; I only play one on the weekends and sometimes on Monday mornings.

When the heat is on (literally speaking) like it is now, not only is it hot outside, it’s hot inside our bodies and heads. Our middle digits are just dying to be given a workout. So as we are itching to try these trigger fingers, we flex, spring and hold at the slightest provocation with nary a thought as to how rude, crude and silly we look.

another side of middle finger

another side of middle finger (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Is that your IQ?” we used to say when we were nine.

Back in the days of no air-conditioned vehicles, there didn’t seem to be as many people flipping each other off; at least I never heard it being referred to as a medical condition. I reasoned that when the majority of us were driving air-conditioned cars it would reduce and not increase, the rate of middle finger use while driving.

I’m not laughing at you, I’m merely laughing near you. Slow down (you’re not as important as you think), eat something before you set out somewhere (no matter the time of day), try to get enough rest and make it through the summer safely.


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