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iPhone 5 food feature could ease looming fiscal crisis

I hear what you are selling.

I am just not buying it (unless I can convert it into food for at least a month should I not like it).

A JP Morgan analyst recently came out with the proclamation that the iPhone 5 will boost GDP.

Those whacky, cut-up analysts!

Does anyone really believe we can consume our way to prosperity again?

Talk about treating most things you read with a healthy dose of skepticism.

I know we tolerate being driven to upgrade our devices every two years or so, but we really should not; especially since they are not even made in this country—which is the real way to boost GDP: return the majority of the miserably low-paying service sector jobs we have had dropped into our laps for those that involve actual production of real goods in factories.

Personally, I do not buy first revisions of anything that comes out. Let the beta tester consumers have at the iPhone 5 rev. 1.

The global economy continues to disappoint us all—and all over the world, too.

Its promise has not, and will not ever, be fully realized—at least in its present, unbalanced configuration.

Economic pundits (most of those who thought the U.S. economy was doing just fine and did not see the 2008 financial meltdown coming, mind you) are predicting the Federal Reserve will most likely announce another version of quantitative easing (QE3) Thursday.

I hope they do not.

As far as keeping interest rates low…

Is there anyone out there left eligible to borrow money that has not done so already?

The lack of interest on our bank accounts is killing those of us who would like to save.

So the cycle of not saving, borrowing too much and using too much credit (and not cash) to pay for things continues.

Interest rates have to go up and we will take the pain in the short term, in favor of having a future with hope for a better life long-term. This cannot possibly occur with our present, Fed-induced fiscal policy. With the stock market being the only measure of the economic triangle (the awful poor housing and unemployment corners being the others) doing well, however, and the fact elections are coming in less than two months, can the Fed afford not to use their remaining ammunition to keep Wall Street pumped up (at least through the election), with the fresh flow of liquidity to our capital markets that is QE3?

We have all heard the old saying love does not pay the rent.

Well, the iPhone 5 does not either.

Unless of course Apple builds in a new feature that provides for the possibility that should a consumer be less than pleased with their shiny new toy, with the press of a button, the iPhone 5 will transform itself into a month’s supply of groceries.

Then we could argue that, even though love does not pay the rent and neither does the iPhone 5, at least you can eat the iPhone 5 (in a manner of speaking)!

I’m thinking this feature is irreversible once activated, too, and you can only use it once, of course.

For example, let us say you are unemployed or underemployed.

But you feel you absolutely must have the iPhone 5.

You rush out as soon as it is available, give the man your plastic and voila! iPhone 5, baby!

You are loving it, now, too.

Just check out that better social media tool integration—emphasis on the “tool.”

But the credit card bill rolls in and you suddenly realize you find yourself just a little short at the end of the month, even with floating it with just the minimum payment.

The prospect of ramen noodle for the next two weeks is distressing.

So, you press the “food” feature button and BAM!

Your iPhone 5 immediately vaporizes in your hands (saves on recycling fees!) and an electronic gift card to your grocery store of choice (that you specified in your iPhone 5 terms and conditions of use agreement) is transmitted to your email address for use.

The iPhone 5—the revolutionary smart phone you can actually eat!

Get me Apple Marketing and R&D…I think I’m onto something!

 

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