Opinion

The headline robbing themes of bathrooms, resumes or résumés and people who think smart phone skills are a thing

The perfect résumé doesn’t contain a listing of great things you’ve done or the amount of money you’ve made for other people while working in their companies.

What is most important about the résumé is the skills you list in it.

For example, back in the day, saying your skills in Microsoft Office were advanced or expert was considered a must.

Now, you really have to put down something that speaks to your smart phone knowledge.

What would constitute advanced smart phone skills?

Well, I would take a look at the not-too-distant past for guidance on this subject.

Before smart phones came into existence we relied on the daily newspaper for our news story fixes.

We had the paper spread out over the kitchen table during breakfast and coffee on top of it in the morning. We would also carry the afternoon edition into the living room after work and check out the sports pages for upcoming games that evening as well as to catch up on stories of the latest slumps our hometown ballplayers were going through.

The smart phone, by virtue of its being small enough to take with us everywhere became the heir apparent to the newspaper.

One of the places the smart phone ended up following the newspaper into was the bathroom.

This was not the greatest development for the smart phone.

Everyone knows how many germs things can pick up in the bathroom. But over half of us (or some such crazy number), actually hold their smart phones in their hands while they’re taking care of their business—if you know what I mean.

This cheapens the power of the mention of smart phone expertise in one’s resume. It diminishes it so much so, I’ve decided to remove the accents over the e’s in resume that I was deploying in previous uses of the word in this article.

Desktop computers never made it into rest rooms.

Neither did laptops.

Just the newspaper and the smart phone.

I remember when reading lots of newspapers each day, or at least one from cover to cover, was considered one of the endeavors of an intelligent individual, or minimally, a very smart one. No mention was ever made of those who would take their newspapers into the bathroom with them, however.

Where do the similarities end?

If you’ve taken your smart phone into the bathtub with you, you’ve probably been pretty careful not to drop it into the water. Maybe you’ve placed it atop the rubber ducky cruising the fare seas of your tub. Or perhaps you left it dangerously on the ledge, you thrill-seeker you.

Once the smart phone drops into the water (by accident or otherwise), the fun begins in earnest.

For the newspaper enthusiasts of yesteryear, having a soggy paper was the worst outcome in these instances. You could still read it, though, if you were so inclined. Newspapers were kind of bulletproof when it came to that stuff. We all know they weren’t literally bulletproof, though, because if you took the time to actually shoot up a newspaper, you wouldn’t be able to read many parts of it.

A resume or résumé, ironically enough is still printed out on paper for use by hiring managers during interviews. I would have thought that by now said hiring managers would have made it acceptable for resume or résumé use on tablet computers during interviews. But, the resume or résumé-toting tablet for job interviewers and interviewees has yet to catch on.

So, paper is still important to some degree. Newspapers will probably never go completely away, as even with high definition screens, nothing is as easy on the eyes as Kate Upton, I mean, err, print media.

So, again I say so. The smart phone is in fact on the way out. There isn’t anything cutting edge about it anymore (unless they make it so very thin you can actually cut yourself on one of its edges).

The use of the word resume or résumé is indeed not fading like smart phone use. I’ve said it all along, people just look stupid when they hold up the phone to their faces to speak when they’re not on an actual phone call.

Consequently, smart phone skillsets are not really skill sets at all.

Accordingly, please refrain from including them in any mention at all on your resumes or résumés.

Conversely, Microsoft Office skillset mentions on your resume or résumé remain completely acceptable.

So, again I say “so” and leave you with a challenge: I already know you can’t stay off social media of any kind for even a day.

But, can you try taking care of your daily business in the bathroom without your smart phone along for the ride?

There’s change you can not only be proud of, but can live with germ-free, too.

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