Humor

I need to get out less

Photograph of Carl Nielsen, the Danish compose...

Photograph of Carl Nielsen, the Danish composer of classical music, taken in 1922. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ever since the Memorial Day weekend, the unofficial start of summer, when everyone is pumped to be getting out more and doing fun stuff, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to be doing just the exact opposite–I need to get out less.

I’ve reached this decision based on a number of factors and experiences. They probably don’t make sense to anyone but me but that does not lessen their authenticity. Always going here, there and everywhere, being everywhere and nowhere at once is simply exhausting.

Because I’ve given this little thought until now, here are but a few examples of my thought processes that compel me to feel I need to stay in more (note these are not in any order of significance; to the contrary, random listings are the name of the game on this last day of May):

1) (With help from my wife) Why don’t they make small jars of sauerkraut?

2) My fantasies are shifting, learning towards the bizarre. I envision a world of car travel where there will be signs that say, “No Road Construction Next 52 miles.”

3) When we were dining out recently, my wife inquired, “Are there any specials this evening?” The priceless reply from our server? “No, but we are out of goat.”

A bansuri being played by an Indian classical ...

A bansuri being played by an Indian classical music artist. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

4) (With more assistance from my wife) The refrigerator has not been this full since we got it.

5) (With yet more input from my wife) We’ve already hit our high for the day today. It’s down to 67.

6) The grass needs mowing.

7) The dog looks at us with disdain every time we tell him, “We’ll be right back.”

8) The family that is my wife, dog and I meet in the living room and exclaim silently together with expressionless faces, “Three day weekends are not enough!”

9) I’ve taken to listening to classical music when driving. Except when there are songs with too much violin in them. Strings can be annoying when featured as the prominent instruments in back-to-back songs. I don’t listen to classical music at home and the fact I drive with it just shows you I am out too often as I am out of musical character.

English: Classical music. Public domain. Old e...

English: Classical music. Public domain. Old edition. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

10) When changing the channel to something more hip hoppy and rappy, I think I could have been a rapper. I even have a name for myself. It is an appropriate one, too, given the stickiness of the outdoors–“Humi-diddy.”

11) The humidity–This one actually makes sense. Who wants to go outside too often if they are the type of individual who perspires just by virtue of their standing up during high humidity conditions?

12) I don’t mind people who blare their music at traffic lights…as much.

13) I think it might be fun if your GPS calls you “stupid,” when re-routing you yet again.

14) The bushes in the front yard are out of control, obscuring your living room windows and you can’t find the time to cut them back.

The Babysitter Twins at Grindhouse premiere in...

The Babysitter Twins at Grindhouse premiere in Austin. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

15) The dog wants the house sitter to move in permanently with us.

16) You’d rather drive 8 hours than take connecting flights because you’ve come to the conclusion that air travel is NOT the quickest way to get from point A to B.

17) The grass still needs mowing.

Happy Anniversary, Honey!

 

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