Humor

That’s messed up

English: David Letterman hosting President Bar...

English: David Letterman hosting President Barack Obama at Late Show with David Letterman. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Everything seems messed up at times. Just when you’re feeling like a little snow and cold, the temperatures reach 60 degrees. Now that is fine for some people, but not so much for me. I even tried to adapt by turning back on the pump in the goldfish pond I shut off after creating a miniature replica of the sinking of the Titanic–complete with icebergs yet devoid of life rafts or people, just mere days ago.

The point is, though, I took a hammer to the pond to break up the ice and now that seems a dumb idea. I should have just waited for today and the spring-like temperatures to melt the ice away.

So, now it’s all water again. And, I turned the pump back on. The waterfall is running down like it’s late April or something. That’s messed up. The only thing “normal” at all about it is the fish are still hibernating in their cave in suspended animation. At least I hope they are. It’s still messed up. I think the fish think so too.

Two thousand fifteen is not quite three weeks old, but it’s not too soon to ruminate on some more things that are messed up.

We have a State of the Union speech and there shouldn’t be much to say except the Union, while still around, is kind of messed up. I think less people will tune in for this than did to watch the President speak uncompellingly the night of the Ferguson riots.

Goldfish pond

Goldfish pond (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Interest rates are way low…still. That’s messed up.

People are getting older faster, myself included, than they ever did before. That’s messed up. Take for instance, David Letterman, who will retire with nobody caring.

Generally speaking…no one cares…about anything. That’s messed up.

Apathy is at an all-time high but nobody cares. That’s messed up.

A-Rod (damn, he’s graced this blog’s pages once more) is actually going to play for the Yankees again (after I predicted he wouldn’t). That’s messed up. Revised prediction: he will play for them until he demonstrates he no longer can hit his weight. This should happen before Memorial Day weekend, at which time the Yankees will decide to eat his contract and release his PED-addled remains.

Peyton Manning will think he can still play at a high level again next season. That’s messed up. He need not do anything but watch the loss to the Colts again to understand it’s time it’s over.

Roads stay the same width yet cars are still too big and their drivers incredibly bad. That’s messed up.

3-D printing will save the world economy. That isn’t messed up. We needed something positive at this point.

Men and women still date, have sex, fall in love and get married but it’s all a crapshoot in terms of knowledge of women for the male species. After centuries and centuries, males remain clueless as to what women want. That’s not so messed up as it is just a fact of life.

If you really want to know what women want, though, just ask me. Be forewarned, it will forewarn you, I mean, cost you. That’s not messed up. It’s just the laws of supply and demand. My knowledge is the supply and I have it. You (the male population) demand to know what that is and will pay to consult with me accordingly.

That’s not so messed up. What’s messed up is that this is the end of today’s story. Now that’s messed up for sure.

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