Humor

Scoop poop before games for best NFL experience

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Yadi loves him some NFL football

I think good, really strong coffee can be a difference maker in terms of how much you get done before the football games today. It’s been one of those weekends where you get some stuff done but if you’re a football fan you make sure you’re in front of the set for kickoff. Yesterday’s classic New EnglandBaltimore bash was further evidence of what a great product NFL football is. It’s ever growing popularity transcends all ages, too.

So, coffee is going to set the table so to speak for what I need to accomplish before the games are on. I remember when reading the paper used to be what we did during the morning before games. It was leisurely. It was relaxing. It was informative. And it was done over bagels and coffee, typically. This was in New York where the best of both could be found readily and in abundance.

The first two paragraphs of this story so far have been mostly about my procrastination over scooping poop. Our pond froze in the backyard this week and I’m once again amazed at the prospect of whether the goldfish will survive yet another winter. In addition to scooping poop, I will perhaps attempt breaking up some of the ice with a hammer. As long as the pond doesn’t completely freeze, the fish seem to be able to find a suspended animation-like state and survive in the darkest, algae-ridden depths of their home.

Memorial Stadium in Baltimore. Photo taken 200...

Memorial Stadium in Baltimore. Photo taken 2000-09-23, the first day that stadium seats and other souvenirs were put to public sale. The stadium had been vacated for a few years. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The dog sits at my side as I type this. He’s a great family member, but he’s a pooping machine. If I don’t get out there twice a week, I’m in for a scooptastic once a week session. And that is what I’m facing as soon as I finish this.

I won’t read the paper. It’s not so leisurely this morning as wife has already had her coffee and buzzed out the door for her workout. When she returns, wife, dog and I are going to the park to play ball with dog. He gets after it pretty good but eventually lets us know when he’s had enough. It’s good exercise for him and he tends to be chill the remainder of the day after a good run time at the park with the ball, wife and I.

As the coffee finally begins kicking in for me and I find myself three-fourths of the way through this creation, I begin to think of things. Interesting things. Interestingly, strange things. Like, how in the second paragraph MS Word flagged the word “gonna” which I had originally typed. It is flagged now as well in that signaturely annoying, squiggly red “suggestion” underline the program produces when encountering what it thinks is a misspelling (or that there is a better word choice available).

So, me being me, I right click on “gonna” to see the suggestions Word has. There’s “going to,” “gone,” “goanna” “gonad” and “Gonne.” Interestingly enough as I type these suggested “gonna” replacements in Word, there is no red squiggly underline. That’s why you can type an entire blogpost with nothing but gibberish as far as making sense, and Word will leave you flag-free as it were.

Of course I thought “gonad” the most interesting suggested replacement (for gonna). Let’s see what happens when I type, “I am gonad for football.” Nothing! Word likes it. I guess it’s similar to being coo coo for cocoa puffs. What if I type a longer sentence with gonad? I am gonad the poop scoop king who does his best work before football games with lots of coffee.

Predictions (hint in addition to what you read below, kicking game will be a factor in both contests):

#1 – Rah-gizz finds a way to get it done on a bum wheel with help from Eddie Lacy and the Pack’s underrated “D” in the frozen tundra (which the Cowboyz disdain – hey, Word didn’t flag “Cowboyz.”) 31-27

#2 – Manning somehow still has Luck’s number and he and the Broncos have just enough to keep the Colts at bay in the not so frozen tundra that is Denver in January. 29-23

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