Time goes by fast. Really fast. In fact I can’t believe it’s June already.
A long time ago, in what seems like a distant galaxy but what was only Denver, time went really fast then, too. Soon I moved to Kentucky and while time seemed to slow down at first, it now seems to be speeding up again almost as fast as Denver, and I’m at a loss to explain why.
That is, unless we factor in the aliens’ possible latest plan for world supremacy.
All this time we silly humans have been waiting for the aliens to land in their spaceships from other solar systems like Hollywood has portrayed, but that is probably not how they will dominate us.
I believe that originally the plan was to wait until we all destroyed one another. But, with the onset of video games and mass access to pizza, that plan is now considered an epic fail. Apparently the aliens didn’t know humans’ capacity for gaming and za. In fact, they came to find out that if given a choice of limitless gaming and pizza, we’d put down the weapons we were using on one another and just enjoy a deep dish crust supreme before tackling the next round of Game of Thrones.
The problem with that plan was aliens gave us far too much credit for being ambitious.
Take LinkedIn for example. I’m sorry, but LinkedIn, unlike the professionals it purports to serve, is fast becoming the professional networking site for professionals that is going nowhere fast. For some time now, I’ve been thinking the aliens have been creating dummy accounts on LinkedIn with real people, but real people who are easily manipulated into doing things to get more connections and profile views. I suppose the aliens understand our insecurity, vanity and craving to be liked–professional or otherwise.
I”m glad I’ve never credited numbers of connections, profile views or being liked as reasons for my success. But I do acknowledge the aliens’ influence at my seeking all of these at some point in the recent past.
For the most part, I’ve attributed any success I may have had in this life to good timing, luck and the ability to do things I thought were right for me no matter what anyone may have thought to the contrary.
So yeah, I was one of those guys who was thinking different before Apple’s marketing department drummed it into our easily impressed heads.
And you can’t think differently just by owning something made by Apple.
But the aliens finally figured out what the best plan would be.
They have known that automobile and air travel is not consistent with the state of technology we possess as consumers.
They have known that while we like shiny, new things, we privately complain that driving and flying in a plane (notice I didn’t say “on”) are filled with hassles. We wait in lines to get through the airport and we wait in our vehicles when we are stuck in traffic or just trying to leave the parking lot of the church after your friend’s big wedding.
The aliens secretly love Apple products. In fact, they were wondering why Apple didn’t announce any new products at the World Wide Developer’s Conference, but they weren’t racking their brains about it.
Aliens have known for some time that Apple is up against the wall when it comes to hardware. Apple along with every other consumer tech outfit that professes to be cool have come to realize it is hard to continuously innovate at the rate consumers demand.
Things have been speeding up in case you haven’t noticed
The aliens have known we wanted to change how we get around. A long time ago, the late, great Paul Harvey did a segment on teleportation. I listened to this segment as I reached the top of the hill on U.S. 36 in my beater Toyota Corolla before heading down in to Boulder, CO. The irony of all this did not escape me. If one were to find out that teleportation might actually be possible in his or her lifetime, what better place to do so than in that cosmic 25 square miles surrounded by reality.
While teleportation will likely never get off the ground, the aliens know we have acquired the need for speed in all things we do outside of air and car travel. They understand that to control the rate of how we perceive how fast time passes is critical to their chances of getting us to roll over and be their bubbas when the time comes.
We hardly ever just sit and do nothing anymore. The aliens totally get this. They understand, too, that even when we go on vacation, we don’t disconnect. We can’t just sit on the beach endlessly like we should. We end up feeling like we have to do something, get off our behinds and just go someplace and dance like no one’s watching because time really is going by faster and faster no matter what we do.
But someone is watching. And it’s the aliens. And they know us like the little mice in our hamster wheel worlds that we’ve become.
Watching and waiting.
Waiting and watching.
Until another day, another evening, drains quickly by, our memories unable to recall what we did two nights ago, let alone able to form the decisions necessary to shape our futures.