Dropping 500+ words on the impossible burger

I’d like to say I had the pleasure of eating an impossible burger.

If you are what you eat, then I am, at least for tonight, an impossible burger.

And I’m not sure if pleasure is an understatement or not as while it was not bad, it most certainly was not exactly pleasurable–pretty good in a kind of different way might be a more accurate assessment.

Impossible burgers are the newest burger offering if you can call it that from Burger King.

I have been meaning to try one.

And try it I did holding the mayo of course.

I suppose impossible means that before the new impossible burger from Burger King it was damn near impossible to create a burger from plants that tasted like meat.

In this case, it was supposed to taste like a meat burger. And it did.

Just not like a burger you make yourself.

Tastes like a Burger King burger, actually, and pretty darn spot on, too.

Just for experiment’s sake, I also ordered a regular cheeseburger. The two burgers were accompanied by an order of large fries and for the Pierre de resistance an apple pie dessert rounded out this fine evening of drive-thru dining.

Oh, I almost forgot I also enjoyed a vanilla shake with whip cream to wash it all down with. I know, I know how to live, right?

Anyway, the BK worker didn’t secure the lid on my shake nor did she surprise me with a cherry on top of it.

After I cleaned up the shake residue from the interior of the vehicle I stepped out and into the world that is my den of two dogs.

They smelled the plant burger.

And they smelled the beef burger.

They also smelled the fries.

And they also tasted the drops of vanilla shake on my jeans before I happened to clean it off.

I think the dogs thought the burgers were all beef. There was some whining and excitement at the prospect of scoring a BK burger when dad wasn’t looking.

But it didn’t happen.

It went down like a longshoreman’s rear end on a barstool.

It was all gone in a matter of minutes.

The regular cheeseburger meat and the impossible burger “meat” tasted the same. I didn’t close my eyes, but I looked at the impossible burger sides after taking a bite and did the same thing with the regular cheeseburger.

They not only tasted the same but looked pretty much the same too.

The texture was eerily familiar, too. Kind of dry, not really juicy, but the impossible burger, strangely enough, had a little bit more of the juice thing going on compared to the regular cheeseburger; just a tad more but a little more nonetheless.

This whole piece was formed with the understanding that the impossible burger was a plant-based concoction. I can’t imagine what I would have written about or how it might have sounded if it consisted of synthetic meat of some kind (whatever that is).

I do wonder how Grammarly’s tone detector, that is in beta, by the way, would have rated the tonality of this piece. Currently, this AI or machine learning thingamabob rates my text sound as disapproving.

At least that’s better than dissatisfied.

Which I am certainly most not.

Or skeptical.

And speaking of the impossible burger, my former skepticism has since been superseded by approval.

Well played, King, who I miss seeing in BK’s ads on TV by the way.