All eyes are upon him as…he picks his seat

ESPN commentator and former National Football ...

ESPN commentator and former National Football League (NFL) player Mike Golic prepares to run a play with crew members aboard the Arleigh Burke-class guided missile destroyer USS Russell (DDG 59). ESPN commentator Mark Schlereth, also a former NFL player, and Green Bay Packer fullback William Henderson joined Golic for a visit aboard Russell to watch the 2005 Super Bowl with the ship’s crew, have lunch and tour the ship. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s fun to watch the draft.

Everyone is doing it.

It’s a party.

It’s something NFL even if the games that count are still four months away.

Get excited!

You can see which players might help your team.

You can make up drinking games around the word “selection.”

You can eat pizza by it.

You can drink beer by it.

You can watch the analysts break down all the draft prospects.

You can watch features on players and their personal lives up until the time you start feeling nauseous from the pizza you ate too much of.

You can have your own mock draft.

That last one gets me: mock draft. What about living a mock life? Seems the NFL is the only winner during draft day/week/month whatever it is now. The draft cannot be contained in just a weekend. It needs a week, or several, or a month, even. The draft is that huge.

You might have thought the Super Bowl was the NFL’s biggest deal, but it’s not. The draft is. That’s because the draft acts as a conduit to the real games. We long for NFL action year round, but since the season is not year-round, the league knows it can satiate some appetites for Not For Long action by making the draft its biggest reality show. The ratings go up every year. We keep tuning in and when they said they wouldn’t hold the draft until May, we were good with that.

It gave us another few weeks to get our mock drafts together as we continued living our mock lives.

Let’s break down our throwing mechanics as we launch another round of cold ones for our buddies parked in front of the big screen in the living room:

He doesn’t set his feet when he throws.

He’s an arm thrower.

He doesn’t follow through.

He needs to use his hips more.

He needs to anticipate his receivers and release the beer can before the receiver comes out of his break.

He sure is good at avoiding the rush.

He is able to create on the fly when it comes to his offense.

The defense doesn’t know how to contain him.

He gets a lot of spiral on the can at the point of release.

He works well out of the shot gun.

He’s good at anticipating the rush.

He gets happy feet sometimes.

You can’t teach that.

And so it goes.

National Football League commissioner Roger Go...

National Football League commissioner Roger Goodell at the podium at the 2009 NFL Draft, at the Radio City Music Hall, New York City. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The NFL has us analyzing ourselves like their analysts do Johnny Manziel. Maybe the talking heads will feature the girlfriends of the college footballers (again), as a way of heightening interest after the first couple of rounds are done. You really never know what Roger Goodell and the NFL brain trust that works ESPN up into a lather will come up with next.

Escapism is the word…is the word…is the word…

It’s got groove, it’s got meaning—kind of like Grease.

The NFL knows how our lives are bereft of meaning and we count on the league to provide us a reason for living.

Let’s face it. If we’re being honest here…we’re all bummed out after the season is over. I’m bummed out before the Super Bowl even begins because for me playoff football is the epitome of football; the Super Bowl can be a lopsided affair like last year’s debacle. The Broncos are retooling for this coming season, but we all get into the rhythm of weekly games and then we’re at the peak of our ampage by the time the playoffs roll around. By the time the Super Bowl is here, I’m interested, but it’s like they say, “Did you hear the one about going to the Bruno Mars concert and then a football game broke out?”

The draft fills the void between after the Super Bowl and the time the first team is on the clock to make its selection. Ooh! I said “selection.” Do a shot. It’s all part of the fun. And don’t forget to soak up all that party booze with some pizza so you can stay up as long as you can to see who your team chooses.

Draft analyst/prognosticator/predictor seems to be a cool job if you can get it. You can let everyone know your choices or forecasts for who will be picked where and by which team. It’s kind of like being an economist in that no one truly cares what you say, but we’re always ready to rub your noses in it when you get it wrong—which is most of the time (unless they are very vague—with a nod to George Carlin…Tonight’s forecast…DARK!”)

Don’t forget to set your feet before you click the remote. In fact, try clicking the remote from the shotgun formation. Have your buddy hike you the remote and then see if you can get the big screen on the right channel while mimicking a smooth throwing motion.

Hey, did you feel that love? That’s all of us draftnicks smiling because our lives once again have groove and meaning. Draft on Not For Long lovers.

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