At least we have the stock market

I am not going to mention anything about those things going on in that place where we are supposed to be getting some representation for all of our taxation. But did you see the reactionary markets’ meteoric trajectory Thursday? I would counsel we not get too giddy. We should be aware the stock market is comprised of artificial ingredients (like cheap ice cream) and is the lone corner of the economic triangle that must remain inflated by the powers that be (in that place I refuse to mention specifically by name), lest we panic the heavily sedated, compliantly distracted public engaging in cyber time drains of one kind or another. We cannot psychologically harbor the prospect of a down market while housing and jobs remain in the dumper. We need to take comfort in the market’s amazing gains. Those aforementioned powers are so bullish about these careening securities, mutual funds and 401k bumper cars, they would have us replace the Dallas Cowboys with them as America’s Team in a rebranding strategy: “At least we have the stock market,” they console us. “Hip hip hooray! How ‘bout them markets! Yeah buddy.”

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Unlike Obamacare, Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn are still free. You can spend money on them or have paid, “premium” upgraded accounts on LinkedIn, but there is no reason the free versions should not get you by just fine; it’s like regular or super unleaded gasoline. The majority of us will do just fine on the less expensive unleaded stuff and do not need the higher grade. These are services that make money via online advertising. I do not buy anything marketers try to sell me while I’m visiting all of these cyber-walled gardens and neither should you no matter how hard they poke you to do so. Speaking of poke, is that still around on Facebook? Ooh, let me see…
Oh wow, yeah! It’s still there. I had to access it via a drop down menu. Guess they started hiding it when people started engaging in poke abuse. Poke poke poke. Everybody must get poked. I suppose it became obnoxious. I mean, after all, Dylan didn’t sing, “How does it feel to be poked!” He sang, “How does it feel to be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone.” There was no mention of poke. Wouldn’t work then and it doesn’t work so well today, either, as they had to hide the poke. Not using the poke button feels like being on your own, though. I’m feeling nostalgic for some poke action but I dunno who to poke. If you still use the ol’ Facebook poke-a-rooney let me know. Poke has faded away faster than a Miley Cyrus tweet.

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If you think about it, the use of Facebook, Twitter and other social media may contribute to our collective advancing senility as a society. Social media may enable us to conveniently forget things older than 15 minutes and use it as a way to ignore people in the work place. Our short attention spans get ever shorter communicating in a 140-character-or-less expression motif. I would suggest that if you do not respond to an email within 15 minutes of receiving and viewing it, it might as well be a year old and out of your mind entirely. To really know what I am talking about is to know Jim’s tale of woe about a boss he emailed a request for input to and had it sat on for weeks. It is as if the boss thought Jim would not mind his lack of reply if he just let enough time pass before Jim wound up reminding him about it in person.
“Oh yeah, Jim. Sorry about that. It’s been just crazy around here as you well know and I know we’ve had lunch three times this past week, but it slipped my mind entirely. Rest assured, though, it is now totally on my list of things to get to. And I will. Thank you, buddy.” How nice. Why did Jim ever think the boss was blowing him off about this? Just goes to show you it is not always all about guys like Jim. The boss has things to do…lots of things to do. And he is really not going senile or becoming forgetful, either. His sharp mind is not dulling. Come to find out later the boss was using the new Yahoo email. Everyone knows how slow and glitch-ridden that is. What the hell was Jim thinking? Wasn’t he aware of the new ad campaign Yahoo was considering for its where’s my email service? Yahoo email: Because we know 99% of your stuff isn’t urgent at all. Or the one that placed second: Yahoo email: We heard you loud and clear when you told us you spend most of your day futzing around in your spam folder.

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Nuggets of nada
When people who are standing ask while I’m sitting, “What’s up?” I say, “You!”
Clogger: someone who uses too much toilet paper and then leaves the toilet to be plunged by another. I think clogging is some kind of dance with strange shoes, but I like to think of new uses for words. I’m funny like that.
I envision the freaky fast delivery of Jimmy John’s to be akin to delivery only faster if it were teleported.
Clutter: piles of crap you say you’ll get to but never will.
Thursdays are always so busy. The traffic seems more dense or trafficky as the voices in my head sometimes possess me to type. Imagine, if instead of the sounds of horns when someone pressed down the middle of their steering wheel, insanely loud profane diatribes were blared alternatively? It would just be a continuation of what one normally hears when walking across any public parking lot these days.
I remember people saying things like, “If you say you’re bored, then you’re boring” and agreeing. I think now if you’re bored you should say something like, “I’m so bored I can’t remember why.”
Did you hear that? That was the sound of “just sayin’” going out of vogue.

If bananas are the perfect food then doody is pretty close to paradise in terms of words. Hearing “doody head” when you were a kid just made you crack up. Shoot, I’m cracking up right now thinking about it. I just made a mental note to slip in the word “doody head” for comic relief sometime soon on an upcoming Monday. Mondays are for doody heads.
Members of the apathy movement have been creating a lot of noise lately. Talk is they are thinking of having a protest march soon but nobody really cares.
The ends of blog posts can be among a writer’s most cherished possessions. This one is especially meaningful to me. Someone once asked me to form a sentence with the words detail, defense and defeat to end a story I had written long ago. The story was composed pre-Seinfeld and was very much a missive about nothing at all. It was fairly laced with abundant gibberish. Enjoy this dusted off gem:
Defeat went over defense before detail.