I’m sick of AARP

Stop sending me your stuff in the mail.
Seriously.
Stop it.
I’m sick of cutting up your pseudo membership card.
I’m not going to join; at least not now.
Perhaps not today.
Perhaps not tomorrow.
Definitely not soon.
And I’m one to consider not doing so for the rest of my life, either.
What the eff is up with these mother scratchers anyway?
When was the last time you heard AARP lobbying on behalf of seniors?
What have they done for them lately (to coin a phrase corporate executive team members use relating to the job performance of their employees)?
Someone once said a chef’s gravy sucked recently.
Well, that chef’s gravy probably sucked all along.
Just like what AARP does on behalf of its members.
I’m sorry.

But, they haven’t gotten anything right in a long time. If they truly wanted my participation they’d stop sending me their crap membership waste via snail mail and leave me alone. How much money are they spending bulk-wise with the plastic, packaging, paper, envelope and all, anyway?
I don’t know, but I imagine it’s a pretty penny (or an ugly nickel).
Instead of sending me the same crap membership solicitation in the mail that I don’t respond to, why not sponsor some starving kid right here in the good old U S of A for just pennies a day? AARP…you need not go outside of this great country to extend some much needed support, benefit, debt of gratitude or assistance endeavor when any of the above can be performed right here in this–the most generous, giving nation in the world, bar none, hands down, no argument necessary.
It just might be a better use of your funds.
AARP has been sagging like a losing minor league team, for years.
Ever since Charlton Heston passed away seniors have not had a decent spokesperson. I know the Chuckster hawked on behalf of guns, gun loving seniors and all age groups everywhere, but he also represented seniors by extension of his NRA affiliation back in the day. And that was the last time I actually felt supportive of AARP (and I wasn’t even membership eligible!). After all, if Charlton Heston could get behind something and represent, why not at least pay attention?

I’m trying to live more responsibly, create less waste.
Yet, organizations like AARP that solicit me ad nauseam via snail mail make me think about how effed up our lobbying organizations are.
Has anyone ever said how great AARP is lately? Or how great it is anything that they do? I think not. They have long since failed to exert pressure where it could be useful to any of their members. I wish their membership had an alternative, but they don’t. And since they don’t, they should probably save their bucks instead of renewing their annual membership in the hope their voices are actually heard by Congress.
By virtue of being in AARP, are my interests, beliefs and rights better represented?
Not really. If you think so, show me how.
AARP has become no better than a multinational corporation. It serves no one at this point. If I’m not a senior, then why are they soliciting me? If I can’t retire, at least wait to do so at that time. If you can’t keep your forest-raping paper from my mailbox, I beg you, at least reconsider my mailing now:

Dear AARP:
Who do you think you are, Anyway?
Is Anyway like some despot or god-like entity?
At the least it should be something special or else why do you keep sending me stuff when you’ve never had a reply in going on five years now?
I can’t figure it out.
Sometimes I think your bulky envelope is a credit card renewal—bright, shiny and full of promise. But then I open the envelope and I’m disappointed: it’s AARP knocking yet again.
I give you credit, AARP.
You keep coming.
Just like me.
But unlike me.
I hear what you’re selling.
And you’re not making it worth my while, nor am I buying it.
Believe me.
I’ll let you know if I ever am.
So do me a favor.
Knock it off with the mail.
That’s not how you’ll ever get me.
On behalf of all Americans who are eligible for AARP membership everywhere and who will be solicited by you every other month once eligible, this has been a public service announcement from the American Broadcorping Castration.
Thank you.